They say the first cut is the deepest.
They’re right. Because we don’t know yet how to handle pain, how to let wounds heal, and how to fucking move forward.
Writing-wise, my first heartbreak was when I lost an essay writing contest in high school. There were three of us seniors who joined. Two went on to win the first and second places; while I was left the sole loser. A sophomore beat me, and it was humiliating. Honestly, I was expecting to win because our Speech teacher said she loved my writing. I had something, but then it didn’t show.
It was my first time to ever enter a writing contest, and seven years later, it still is my last.
The instruction was to write an essay about whatever topic we want. I was caught off guard. I didn’t know what to write about. I can’t recall what I wrote about, but I remember it being a total mess.
After that, I’ve never written another essay again.
I resorted to writing poems and lyrics, maybe because I’ve never been too good and confident writing in paragraphs. I had a blog with 70 entries on it; mostly poems and lyrics of hardships, pain, and agony. That blog reflected who I was at that time: lost, curious, melodramatic, emo.
Then this year happened.
I decided to create another blog to represent a new beginning. Nine months in, I can say I’ve conquered three of my four New Year’s Resolutions (losing weight is my downfall). I started living more. My horizons expanded, my world grew, and my vision amplified. Consequently, the things I wrote began to take a more positive spin.
I realized that I only loved writing back then because it allowed me to express my desperation. I was a loner, so writing my emotions out was my only way to release them.
Now, writing became a commitment rather than a mere outlet. It became my passion, my job, my voice, my purpose. I write more or less 2,000 to 4,000 words per day, but I don’t ever get tired of it. I began to love it as much as I began to love living my life in a brand new way.
This year, I started to write a book. Now that I’m 43,000 words in, I still don’t have an audience. It made me go—“wait, I need to act on this!” How would any publisher touch my book if I don’t have readers?
So I created this blog, hoping to somehow make a mark and find people who’ll be interested in taking this journey with me.
This is me flying away from my first heartbreak, my negative disposition, my stubborn ways, my lazy practices, and my small voice.
Here I am, starting a journey of winning every day that has been and will be given to me.
Here I am, letting life overflow and catching every drop, sharing it to everyone through this journal of life’s greatest moments.
I will not wait for those moments; I will make them happen with the support and encouragement of people around me.