No Other Road But This

I feel broken.

Here I am again, suffering from insomnia. I was trying to get some sleep for four hours, but it obviously didn’t work.

For months, I’ve been seeing so much good in life, and it made me feel so boundless. I’ve been entering open doors of opportunities and taking on my dreams with such assurance. I’ve been happy more than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

So why did I end up here again? So lost in my own thoughts. So desperate to find peace.

I guess it finally caught up to me. The obsession in doing more, and more, and more. How is that a bad thing? I’m just trying to be productive, because I wasn’t for so long. But now I just feel so restless all the time. My mind just won’t shut down.

I’m confined in the fear of not making it. Since I’m almost done with the book I’ve been working on for half a year now, I’m already feeling so much anxiety.

“I need to make it! I need to get published! I can’t fail and let this just go to waste! The world needs to hear my book!” These are the loud voices inside my head that just won’t shut up. But I can’t keep on thinking about these or else I’d be defeated. I’m suddenly reminded of one of the verses that stood out to me when I was still a devoted Bible reader:

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I need to let go and just let things be. I need to regain equilibrium, a calm state of mind. Instead of being preoccupied with the voices inside my head, why don’t I just keep doing my best, keep chasing my dreams, and keep looking forward to the things I can still achieve in the future.

I know there’s a lot of rejection ahead of me if I pursue this, but it’s no excuse to stop working hard. I still believe, not because I’m an optimist, but because I just can’t see myself taking any other road but this.

This is what completes me. This is what makes me discover who I am.

What voice inside your head do you need to silence right now? What steps do you need to take to go beyond your fears and doubts?

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7 thoughts on “No Other Road But This

  1. The voice I need to quiet is the voice itself. There’s a verse that I like too, “be still and know that I am God” and “all things work together for good”. These tell me that I should be calm and know that the best thing for me is what will happen, even if it’s not what I expected. The steps I need to take is what many would call meditate, but probably not the same way they mean. I just work on living in the moment instead of living in my head, every time I catch myself thinking I stop and let it go, focusing instead on my surroundings and what I can do. There’s a time to think in your head and a time to let it go and just ‘be still’ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your input! Those verses really help in calming the storm in you. Truly, we just have to do what we do and always have faith that it will all work out in the end. There should be no regrets if you put all your heart into it.

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  2. “I still believe, not because I’m an optimist, but because I just can’t see myself taking any other road but this.” is EXACTLY how I feel about writing. I think this is what separates writers from people who only pursue it as an interest or a hobby, or just develop it as a skill. Often, writers don’t write because ‘it makes them happy’. It’s more than that. We write because we literally cannot help but to write. About anything. About everything. It’s a calling, really. The pursuit of art is so uncertain, that there must be some cosmic even spiritual pull for people to consciously, willingly choose that path.

    I believe that this mindset will allow you to overcome whatever roadblocks that may come your way, writing-wise. It’s really the mindset of someone who won’t take no for an answer because this isn’t just a passing interest for you, it’s your life’s work up to this point.

    The thing is, you may think there’s a lot of rejection in your future but it only takes ONE person–editor, publisher, whatever have you–to say yes and you’ll get that book published. Just one yes to change your life. If you keep thinking the way you do, that you’re meant to be a writer and that you won’t settle for any other outcome than what you have planned, then I genuinely believe the universe will conspire with you to make it happen.

    To answer your question, I still need to silence those voices in my head that tell me I have nothing new to offer. That anything I have to share has already been told by people more qualified than I. I need to tell myself that I do have a unique perspective by simple fact that I AM a unique perspective. Also, I’m not a very good self-starter. I talk a big game but I lack the concentration to follow through. I’m working on that. As they say, “Work hard in silence, let success be your noise.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Nikki!

      I was thinking of rejection in a way that there will always be people who will disagree or even attack me because of what I say, and I will be okay with that. I must take the good with the bad, and focusing on the support from people who surprisingly get something because of what I do is something that will never cease to amaze me.

      And good luck! Once you build a habit, there’s no stopping you! 🙂

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  3. I’ve felt the same way about a book I’ve written. I just knew that the world would love it, since those I’ve let read it called it brilliant. I had the exact same sentiments as you! Almost two years have passed though and I no longer feel the same way about it. To me, it’s no longer a piece to be published and shared with the world. It’s become an intimate, personal anthology and an tool for growth. I learned so much writing it, but I learned a lot more after I finished.

    Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t publish your book! By all means, work toward that goal! Stay on track, since like you said, this is the path you’ve chosen. When you get published, give me a signed copy.

    Liked by 1 person

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