Umbrella

Sunday. It was raining that night when you let me into your life and I gave you the moon and a star. It was raining that night when I asked you if I can go home now and you told me “just ten more minutes” until it turned into hours. I wasn’t complaining, though. Every minute with you feels right.

“Let’s wait for the rain to stop,” you told me. “Haha. It won’t,” I replied. But eventually it did. That didn’t stop you from lending me your spare umbrella. “The rain is completely gone, I won’t need this,” I told you. “You might. Just put it in your bag,” you said. I had no choice. I had to.

It never rained on my way home. I didn’t need to use it.

Saturday. I decided to leave your umbrella at home. It adds to the weight of my bag and I don’t like using umbrellas anyway. As I was taking photos for a feature, it started raining. In my mind I told myself, “Ugh. He would kill me. I didn’t bring his umbrella!” Good thing the rain stopped just when we were finishing up.

I went to your place. We saw each other at the gate. You and I were seated really close at the jeepney. My face just a few inches away from yours so we could hear each other talk through the noise. I love being that close. I love that I get to do it with you.

You never knew I left your umbrella at home because it didn’t rain when we were together. On the way back, the jeepney was full but the moment there was space you signaled me to transfer beside you. I did. Of course I did. That moment will stay with me until I die. My right hand on your left leg, your left hand near my back, wind blowing from the outside – it was simple yet it felt like everything I wanted and more. Maybe because you are all I ever wanted and more. I almost said I love you, but I didn’t. That night, I took the most gorgeous picture of you smiling and we had that ice cream sandwich date we randomly thought about a few days ago.

Thursday. I was actually angry at you because you have been ignoring my messages since yesterday. I went to the mall to watch a movie but I skipped it because I figured you were home and not at work. I brought your favorite turtle pie even though I was already angry at you. I was so ready to throw a tantrum. “You’ve been online since last night. Why have you been ignoring my messages!? I deserve better than that!” I never got to say those words. The moment you saw me at your door, you had a big smile on your face. When I approached you near the dining table, you hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I felt my body temperature going back to normal. You saw my hand shaking. You asked me why it was shaking. I told you I just got tired from walking, but really that was all the anger leaving. Just one smile, one hug, and one kiss from you changed everything. I am weak. You got a spell on me.

Oh, it was raining. I told you, “I used your umbrella.” Finally, I got to use it.

Friday. I spent the night. It was my first time to do so. Falling asleep and waking up beside you? It was everything I’ve dreamed of. The morning was lovely. As we were about to leave your home, I tried to give you your umbrella back. You insisted, “No, you might need it.” I put it back in my bag even though there was no sign of rain.

Sometimes I think about bringing two umbrellas when I go home to you, so that I can finally give yours back. I always end up not doing it. I guess I like having your umbrella.

Your umbrella makes me feel like you care for me, and I like that. Your umbrella makes me feel like a part of you is with me wherever I go, and I like that. Your umbrella makes me feel like I’m always safe and sound because I have you, and I like that.

I guess your umbrella is stuck with me now.

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