It’s hard to let go of something you don’t really want to let go of. Something you hold dearly. Something you consider special. Something you think is a treasure. But sometimes, you have no choice but to. Sometimes, you must choose to love and respect yourself, even if it means letting go of something you thought was written in the stars.
Right now, that is what I must do — let you go. For my own good.
Going Back to My Rocks
I don’t feel any shame in being weak and vulnerable in front of people who I know love me. I will not deny needing them when I fall flat on my face and want to get back up.
What a wonderful timing this is. Me having two whole weeks to meet as many friends as I can. Telling them why I had to end it hurt, until it didn’t. Hearing myself tell how wrongly you’ve treated me made me realize how I have been fooling myself and that there’s really no future here.
You’ve taken me for granted. But I have so many people in my life who genuinely love me and want the best for me. As I go back to them, I realize how much I do have. I realize how many have my back. I realize I can do it — get over you. I realize life is richer than I think it is.
They feel my pain. They help me think rationally. They let me be. I have the best support system in the world. I will not lack.
Going Back to the Start
On paper, you were everything I wanted. On paper, we were perfect together. And for a while, we were. You matched my enthusiasm. You went out with me on dates. You made plans with me. You wanted to know me more.
Quite literally, you were a dream come true. You came when I said I’m done for now. You came when the year was about to end and another year was about to start. You were the sweetest farewell and the loveliest beginning. We had our wonderful moments: the way you smiled at me, when I held your hand for the first time, when you introduced me to your family. ‘Twas the best January.
We instantly became each other’s morning habit. The nightly conversations about random stuff made me happy. I loved that I got to do it with you. I loved getting to know you.
There was a time when looking at our pictures together instantly sent me to tears. Because I know it’s over and we will never happen again.
But tonight, I only have a smile on my face, because everything that happened, happened.
Once upon a time, you were mine. Once upon a time, seeing my face made you happy. Once upon a time, it was my lips that you kissed. Once upon a time, it was my hand you squeezed and wrapped around your body. Once upon a time, I was the one you leaned on.
We had our once upon a time. We had our fairy tale beginning, but without the happy ending.
I will always be thankful for what we had. Because, for a while, we had something beautiful. I got to love you, surprise you, care for you, and do things for you. Our time together? It’s something nobody can take away from me. Not even our ending. You gave me memories I will always treasure.
I never hurt you, only left you with good memories. I am at peace with our ending.
Going Back to Myself
The truth is I let you take control. I let you step all over me.
But you are not the main character anymore. I am claiming this story. As I continue to live again without your presence, I slowly go back to myself.
This journey is about me now. About me going back to the things I loved doing, things that made me happy, things that gave meaning to my days.
This journey is about me now. About the lessons I learned because of what we had. The new friends I’ve gained because of you. The new paths I’m about to take even if you’re gone and far away.
This journey is about me now.
I still miss you. I still think about you more than I want to. But there will come one night when I will finally wash you off me.
This is about me now. Wiser, stronger, happier, fuller.
When there’s no more pain left to feel, you naturally go back to yourself. This is not about you anymore, not even about us anymore. This is now about my life, so rich it overflows. At the end of the day, when the lights are off and there’s no one around to listen, I say my prayer and close my eyes, completely at peace with who I am.
This is how I know I am healed. I have more than enough. And I always will.